Thursday, June 18, 2009

Day 18: Fast Fail

If you follow Twitter, you know that there's a way to categorize posts to connect them to a larger theme. One of those themes is called "FAIL," when you post about something you've seen or done that failed to meet it's objective. For example, you might tweet, "Gulped down three shots of expresso then fell sound asleep at my desk. #CoffeeFAIL"

This week, I could Twitter about my #FastFAIL over and over again. This is the absolute worst I've ever done on a fast. Part of my problem is that this fast is different than what I'm used to, in that I'm not giving up something so much as reorienting my time. In a nutshell, I'm fasting from laziness and wasting time by committing to an hour of prayer every day. When I'm faithful to this, it's astounding, even on days when I start out slow and the first twenty minutes feel like they're dragging on forever as I wonder what to say and how to drag my mind back from the million and one places it wants to wander. By the end, I'm always feeling like this was the best time investment imaginable.

But some days (like yesterday, and the day before) there just isn't an hour. Which is a complete cop-out, because there's always an hour. But I have to choose to find it, to put my commitment to God above something else I have to/want to do. #FastFAIL

Here's what I forget: I'm on this type of fast because time management is a struggle for me. I'm doing this because I need help with it--God's help. I'm failing in large part because I feel so bad about not doing it that I don't God for the help I need. Spiritually speaking, this is a fast track down a dead end road.

In Luke 18, Jesus talks about this--how we need to be persistent in our prayers, we need to ask for the help we need. I'm always struck by the conversation he has with the blind beggar. You'd think, seeing that the man was blind, Jesus would just heal him as he passed by and be on his way. But he stopped and asked the man, "What do you want me to do for you?" which tells me that there's an interactive component to receiving from God. It brings me back to that Ryanhood lyric we looked at a couple days ago: It's me on my knees with my face to the floor, learning how it feels to be rich when I feel poor... When we ask for his help, Jesus reorients us, showing us the tiny path from where we are to where we want to be. We feel like we don't have what it takes because we don't. But that's not the end of the story.

What do you want Jesus to do for you? He's asking. Let's tell him.


heiress said...

"LORD," "I want you to bless me with my husband!"

Stella said...

Hmmmmm, fasting from laziness ... that's thinking out-of-the-box ... Good For You Trish!

On the subject of asking Jesus for what I want him to do for me, I'm really struggling to get that I can pray for any and all of my needs. Two things come to mind: Firstly, as a responsible single adult "the world" expects that I'll provide for my own needs ... and I've been operating that way for a REALLY long time. Secondly, I have a REAL problem asking for say ... a good mechanic for my car when I know someone with greater needs (usually involving tragic circumstances). I know Jesus can handle ALL our needs, but I still feel terrible asking for something that falls lower on my internal list of the needs of the world. I need a real "word" in that area.

Anybody have thoughts/ideas on this?

And yeah, I'm praying for a husband too.


kim said...

heiress and stella, looks like we are asking for the same things from the Lord -- our husband. three cheers for filling that prayer bowl and raining down soon. :)

FoodieAsh said...

Well, I must say that I'm in the same boat as you ladies. My biggest fear is that it is not God's will for me to get married. I have been so discouraged from going out with guys, falling for them, and then them falling off the face of the planet. It's hard not to think that "there's something wrong with me" or "God doesn't want me to have a husband". Even though I know these thoughts aren't from Him, they unfortunately surface. I will say though that God has revealed Himself to me a lot over the past 6 months and has shown me that I don't know Him as well as I thought I did. That said, I'm thinking (hoping) that I'm not ready to meet my husband at the moment. We shall see :)

Stella said...

LOL!!! This is turning into the single gal's club today ...

I'm with you Kim ... let's fill those prayer bowls to overflowing!!! LET IT RAIN!!!

Hey FoodieAsh ... I can understand your doubts (been there myself). In support of desiring a husband, it is my belief that our strong (healthy) desires come from God. If God wanted us to be single, then he would give us a desire for singleness equal to that with which we desire to be wives. Could be that God is still working on your husband-to-be so that he'll be a mate worthy of your love ... HUG! ;-)

Breeza said...

I feel the same as you FoodieAsh. Today, I'm trying to focus on not worrying about what I'm doing right or wrong in order to meet my husband or get a job. A friend pointed out that I try to do good things so that I will in return get good things but God doesn't work like that. Bad things happen to good people and good things happen to sometimes bad people. It's an interesting thought. I'm asking God to help me lay those desires at His feet and not worry about timelines (approaching 30 this year) or what society thinks I should do. It's also interesting when you disobey something God tells you to do and then have to deal with repercussions of something that wouldn't have happened if you had listened to what he told you to do. God is definitely working in my life. This blog is so encouraging! Thanks Trish!

Rachaelita said...

Heres another gal who is praying for her husband! lol. It was pretty comforting to look at this post and realize so many are in the same boat.

I love the prayer bowl idea and also the idea that we are all somehow supercharging eachother's prayers by being in this together.

Sara said...

Another lonely Fri night--really am scared that God wants me to be alone. I must have screwed up my first marriage so bad--thinking that was my chance and I blew it. Have the 2 best kids from that 10 year marriage though, but I cannot stand losing them every other weekend to their dad, his new wife, new baby and all their money. I really can't believe this is the path that a loving Father would provide for his daughter. OK I will get off of it, I am blessed with great kids and a job I love. I gave up diet cokes. I was a diet coke junkie--replaced with water and crystal light--not helping the weight much when I substitute sweet tea though (-:

Anonymous said...

Sara - I know what it feels like to think that we are being "punished" for our decisions in our life. But we are not. I know it doesn't seem fair right now. (I have had that argument w/God on MANY occasions). But just trust that you are His daughter and He has an even bigger and better plan for you. If we as parents want so much for our kids - to surprise them and to give them all their desires - how much more does your Father in heaven want to give you as His daughter? It is like we do as parents, sometimes we make our kids wait until they are ready for it or we are ready to give it. God wants to give us want we want and He surely doesn't want us to be alone. It is just that He wants it to be done right - when our hearts our totally healed from the past so we don't bring extra baggage into the future w/our new relationship. Be encouraged!