Thirty-nine days...that's quite an accomplishment. They say it only takes thirty days for us to form a new habit (good or bad) so whatever it is you've been doing differently for these thirty-nine days, studies suggest that it matters, in terms of the person you're becoming...and that you've accumulated nine whole bonus days!
(Whenever I read these studies I'm struck with a mixture of delight and terror, as I mentally catalog the mixture of smart & dumb choices that comprised the past month of my life. Anyway...)
This time around, I'm happy to have given my little boat some time in dry dock, even if some days I couldn't even figure out what color paint to use to pretty-up the hull. It's nice here on the shoreline; I don't always have to be out in the depths over my head. A friend of mine recently posted on Facebook about how cute it was to hear her young daughters wake up one morning expressing their excitement over the adventures for their summer day ahead. I'm trying to recapture some of that feeling myself, and a sense that the seasons of our lives are supposed to be different from one another, rather than just one long, all-out slog toward the finish line.
For example, I went out on an adventure with my friend Gwen last night (the same Gwen as Chapter 10 of MAZE), south of the city in some south shore neighborhoods I'd never been to before. We went to my friend Lynne's book reading, and then out to dinner (we tried to go to the restaurant run by the former New Kids On The Block--because honestly, what's more fun and twitter/blog-worthy than that? But the wait was 2.5 hours. So we dined at a little burger bistro by the water instead...not too shabby!) It was the kind of thing I wouldn't have had room in my brain for 39 days ago. It would have felt like too much, driving south of Boston from Cambridge during rush hour (because yes, everything you've heard about Boston traffic is true...) and then finding a bookstore way out on the south shore to buy a book I was planning to buy anyway...it would have seemed like too much to handle, what with everything else banging around in my brain demanding attention. But yesterday? It was perfect. I'm excited to have made enough mental space to make my world a little bigger again. That feels good.
I'm curious: What have your 39 days looked like? What are you pleased with? What did you think would go differently?
And perhaps more importantly: What is your hope for the next 30 (or 39 days)?
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39 days ago Sarakastic was majorly stressed to the point that I was worrying about how much I was worrying. In the past 30 days I've discovered what I want to look like, what I want to eat, where I want to work, who I don't want to be with, and very specific things I need for peace. Granted, they are all just little things but they had really been boggling my mind for awhile so to have it all come together so effortlessly has been extremely beautiful.
By switching up my schedule and coming up with new ideas/goals, I've made more time for myself to enjoy the day. As your law student friend once said, Things will get done.
I confess that I'm always afraid that not enough has happened or changed, and that I haven't done enough. I often don't FEEL like big changes are happening, so I'm left with a combination of fear, disappointment, and determination to believe that God is at work regardless of what I feel.
While life has continued on, I feel like I have been on a momentous journey. My experience of New York has transformed. I now feel that I have arrived. I am home. I had no idea where this journey was taking me but I was happy to go. For the next 39 days I pray for a greater and more fulfilled connection with god and for that connection to radically impact the people around me. I pray for an abundance of miracles everywhere and to feel god's love in all my interactions with people.
Today, I am so happy to say that God answered one of my Biggest prayers. For five years I have prayed to get into a doctoral program, prayed for a husband, and prayed for a better paying job.
Every year I have participated in the 40 days of Faith praying like crazy that all three of these (or at least one, especially the husband prayer) would happen during my 40 days of Faith. It was almost to the point where I thought this was for sure the way to get my prayers answered because I was diligent, committed and focused.
However, this year I have read every post but didn't participate in the same way I did in the past years. Maybe it was because I had started to not believe God would answer me during these 40 days (since he hadn't in previous years when my hope was high) so I really didn't expect Him to answer me this time. But to my surprise just when I thought my prayers only worked for others and not myself, He answered me, (even though I had stopped really praying for any particular thing my prayers were mainly for others and quite general when it came to myself).
To my surprise, i received the news that I got into the doctoral program. So, today I know for sure He really does hear me even when I say nothing at all because he knows my heart.
P.S I guess the Husband is next!!!
Early in the 40 days, I was quite diligent about praying. I had some small/med prayers answered in those first few weeks. Then summer weather crept in and I wasn't as diligent to pray.
I fasted from social media (twitter and facebook) all 40 days, which was super helpful. It prompted me to reflect a lot about connecting with people, friendships, and what types of relationships I need in my life.
The next 40 days? I'm thinking a lot about how to balance "doing" and "being" - especially for Sept when things get more busy.
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