Day Five: Hiring a better Architect

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."
-Proverbs 3:5-6

This is some of the best advice I've ever received, in terms of bang for the buck (you can read the whole thing here). If Dr. Phil wandered by and ask me, "So--how's that workin' for ya?" I'd be able to say "Pretty well, actually. Thanks for checking in!" This stands out in stark contrast to how this conversation would have gone a few years ago, when I was leaning on all different versions of "my own understanding" to negotiate life, convinced as I was of my unique brilliance. UGH.

We come up with some pretty silly ideas on our own, if you think about it. Grab the bull by the horns. Empty your mind. Both of these are terrible ideas. For me, this list includes, He hasn't called, so I should call him, and If I try just hang in here, maybe things will change.

God promises us better than that, but it's almost like there's a transaction that has to take place. He's a gentleman; he doesn't just barge into our lives and take over. We have to open the door, invite him in, pour some drinks, and settle in to listen to what he has to say. This was the hard part for me--not the drinks and the listening, but figuring out what type of an audience I was granting God: Was I humoring him? Or did I actually plan to DO what he suggested, overriding my own plan for how to approach my life? Given that state of my life at the time, you'd think this would have been a no-brainer. And yet quite a bit of inner wrestling took place before I pulled out my blueprint for life and handed it over to him, mumbling, "Here--maybe you can do something with this..."

Today, let's consider whose running the show in the different areas of our lives. As a starting point, I'm inviting God to be in charge of dinner :)

Day Four: Celebration Evaluation

"It's very difficult to take a people who won't celebrate and teach them to. But you can take a people who love to celebrate and give them a greater reason."
--Jean Larroux, as told to Cathleen Falsani

I woke up this morning with one of those splitting sinus headaches that makes you beg for mercy and coffee, and not necessarily in that order. It's gloomy her in New England--one of those unproductively gray days where it doesn't rain, it just prevents any sunshine from getting through. When the world threatens me with a funky day (and by "funky" I mean problematic and annoying, rather than unique and eclectic), I find Kool and the Gang uniquely helpful. They're among the best at replacing bad funk with good funk, and getting me in the celebratory spirit. I want to be one of those people who loves to celebrate, even before I have a tangible reason.

Speaking of celebrations, today we finish the story of Ruth. I think God is pretty awesome for getting to the happily ever after part in just four quick chapters (as opposed to, for example, Job, who suffers for 41 and-a-half chapters before God turns things around for him). It's almost like God knows that we (or maybe it's just me?) have neither the stamina nor the patience to wade through too much sadness before the encouraging part comes along. I need regular reminders that, as my friend Dave points out, God can change anything at anytime. He's got a good track record; I should trust him.

There are times when I lose hold of this encouragement. I'll read some skeptic's claim that Ruth's story isn't true, that it's really just a metaphor for some theological premise I don't understand; or a rant by an angry Bible thumper claiming that Ruth seduced Boaz and so maybe he wasn't such a great guy after all--and I deflate like a popped balloon. When I first read Ruth, here's what I saw: a story of how God brought a man and a woman together and exceeded both of their expectations. They didn't go through months or years of anguish and doubt and wondering where the relationship was going, God brought them together and took them someplace, and even blessed Naomi in the process.

This was what I wanted, so this was what I prayed for. And to fend off the gray clouds trying to block out my sunshine, I had little celebrations in my head that this day was coming for me, too.

In one of the "prophetic" books in the Bible (where God tells his people what's to come in the future), there's a beautiful promise where God describes how he'll bind up our broken hearts and make us beautiful, happy, and full of praise--in other words, ready to celebrate. Later, when Jesus showed up on the scene, he quoted this promise, saying, "I'm that guy--the one my father sent to do this stuff!" Then he did a bunch of miracles right along these lines (not to mention healing the sick, raising the dead, and turning gallons of Aquafina into some nice Merlot). He didn't just make big promises, he delivered. Maybe it's just me, but I think a miracle or two would be a fabulous way to start a party.

What if today is the day to get our party started?

Day Three! Todays Theme: Wisdom

I'm a bit late in posting today. Partly because I overslept, but mostly because I read today's chapter in Ruth, the one where her mother-in-law tells her how to approach her dream man Boaz (who is kind of like Mr. Big from Sex and the City, except that he's actually a really good guy. One gets the impression that, were phones invented in Biblical times, you could count on Boaz to call when he said he would...)

Anyway, this got me thinking about something I heard recently (I wish I could remember where) about how we're the first generation to look mostly to our peers for advice. It used to be that most of us, as we wrestled our way into adulthood, would have had a handful of wise older mentors to informally help us out, sort of like the bowling ally bumpers that help little kids learn to bowl. These wise folks would help us stay out of the gutters, so to speak, mostly by sharing how they'd succeeded and failed as they wrestled with their own life questions.

My parents tried this, but I steadfastly ignored pretty much anything they ever tried to tell me. I was one of those kids, far too sophisticated and worldly-wise for their outdated opinions. (How I could think this, when I lived in a cloistered, tiny town in Maine astounds me, but there you have it). Needless to say, without the bumpers, I spent most of my 20's rolling down one gutter or another, then popping up on the bowling ball conveyor belt, hoping the next roll would go better. In hindsight, I don't recommend stubborn independence as a life strategy.

Now I'm not sure why, but as these thoughts square-danced across my barely-awake brain this morning, I kept thinking of Carole King. She's a singer-songwriter who wrote an album called TAPESTRY back in the 1970s about love and life and hope and heartbreak that is STILL being played by men, women, and Hollywood film producers more than 30 years later. I thought of I Will Follow, the theme song to The Gilmore Girls--and how one of the beautiful things about that show was how the mother found a way to share her wisdom with her daughter, and her daughter found a way to hear her. I thought of You've Got A Friend, which should be the litmus test for any romantic relationship we ever consider: if a guy won't come running from wherever he is when we call out in need--winter, spring, summer, or fall--then he's not the guy for us. And I thought of It's Too Late, and how I wish I'd faced the music in so many dying relationships the way she does in this song; sometimes there's dignity in moving on.

In Proverbs (which is kind of the "self-help" section of the Bible), there are whole sections on the importance of getting wisdom as we go, advising that it's more valuable than rubies or gold. This always makes me think of a ring my first husband gave me as an apology gift after one of his particularly awful outbursts. My mom's wisdom to RUN from that tumultuous marriage turned out to be far more valuable than that ring (or any other bauble, for that matter). I'm so thankful I finally listened; it changed my entire life.

So today, let's think about where we get wisdom. Let's pray for it. And (especially for those of us asking God for divine intervention in our romantic lives) let's listen to the songs on TAPESTRY and realize that there's not a single relationship issue we'll ever face that hasn't come up before--so chances are, someone out there can help us negotiate the maze from where we are to where we'd like to be.

What's the wisest advice you've ever received?

Day Two! Today's Theme: Brave

"We have to be braver than we think we can be, because God is constantly calling us to be more than we are, to see through plastic sham to living, breathing reality, and to break down our defenses of self-protection in order to be free to receive and give....
--Madeleine L'Engle

I'm not doing so well with this brave thing. It feels absurd to confess this so early in our 40 Days, but without honesty I'm sunk. So here you have it: last night as I went to bed (that seems to be revelation time for me lately) I realized that I still don't know what I'm praying and fasting for. Isn't that absurd? Don't get me wrong: I have some vague hopes that feel sort of amorphous and slippery, but they're not the problem. It's the specific hopes, and how they fall into two frustrating categories, that are tripping me up. Here's how:

First, there are the things I've prayed about already--in some cases, A LOT. Areas of life where I'm pretty much out of words to express, "Hey God, in case you missed my earlier memos, there's still this thing missing from my life...." I'm not sure how to pray without getting naggy and obnoxious, which seems to run counter to my self-image as super-together faith chick. (I suspect God is not really for that image, but still...)

And then there are the OTHER things, the ones that just feel too gigantic and ridiculous to pray for at all. I mean, I love the whole "Believe six impossible things before breakfast" bit from Alice in Wonderland, but today, I'm having a tough time believing even one.

I think God wants to challenge me (I'll take a guess that I'm not alone in this frustration, and say us...) in this. Not #1, so much. In my more rational moments, I know that he got the earlier memos; he's on it. But #2, definitely. It's pretty clear that he wants us to step up to the plate and actually PRAY our gigantic, ridiculous prayers. Sure, they're gigantic and ridiculous. But if we're going to dream these things (and even consider the possibility that these dreams CAME from God in the first place), we might as well dream them with Jesus--I think he's the only spiritual leader type who claims he can help us get there. As I mentioned on Sunday, he even said, "What's impossible with man is possible with God." How can I argue with that? (More importantly, why would I want to?)

Chapter 2 of Ruth fits right into this theme, as she heads out into a stranger's field to try and gather enough grain from the leftovers to keep she and Naomi alive (today, this would be like picking through recycling bins all over town, looking for bottles to return for a nickel). It's crazy for her to think any sort of a life is possible at this point. And yet...

So I'm asking God to make me brave. And each time I do, I'm going to dive in and pray my gigantic, ridiculous prayers, even when it makes me feel awkward and squirmy inside. Maybe prayer is like like working out: it counts even if it doesn't feel good.

In honor of this little decision, today's song is called--you guessed it! Brave. It's by yesterday's featured singer, Nichole Nordeman, which makes me feel like I'm failing a bit at the DJ aspect of this project, but hey--I can't argue with the lyrics. Tomorrow, perhaps we'll have a new artist. Until then, this rockin, happy song will give us all something to hum under our breath as we go about our day. All together now:

So long status quo--I think I just let go
You make me want to be brave
The way it always was, is no longer good enough
You make me want to be brave....

What do you guys think of this?

Day One! Today's Theme: There's Still Ink in the Pen...

I woke up this morning to the smell of freshly brewed coffee, and THAT DOG curled up on top of my feet. It was a happy, happy place. Then, like a flash, I remembered the impression I got last night when I asked, "Hey God, what do you think I should fast from for the next 40 days?" I saw a picture in my head of a spoon, lowering sugar into my beloved morning coffee. ACK! "You're joking, right?" I said (hoping the sugar image would be replaced by a picture of me doing sit ups--I'd be happy to fast from sit ups). Turns out, he wasn't. So as I type this, I'm drinking my first of 40 cups of sugarless morning coffee. Will it be worth it? I wondered. Then I remembered this amazing, wise quote from Laura Dave's novel, THE DIVORCE PARTY:

"In the end, belief isn't supposed to make sense, at least not all of the time. In that, it finds it's power. It gets to creep up on you and carry you forward."

It doesn't make sense that one less spoonful of sugar will bring me closer to my dreams in life (or to God, for that matter), and yet I believe that it will. I've seen it happen. It has crept up on me and carried me forward, into places better than I could have imagined. It's worth it.

This morning I also read the first part Ruth, a story in the Bible I talk about in my book (and no, it's no coincidence that my favorite book in the Bible is only four chapters long and includes the world's best happy ending). I thought it might be a good place for us to begin our Forty Days, for a couple of reasons. Here's a link to the first chapter--check it out here.
(It'll take 2-3 minutes to read). Then come back and I'll tell you what I love about it.

The main characters in this chapter--Ruth and her mother-in-law Naomi, are absolutely hopeless. They've lost everything, and nothing they do on their own is going to pull their lives into any semblance of better. I've been there. Granted, I wasn't starving. But there have been times when the landscape of my life was shockingly bleak, and there was no rational hope that it would ever improve: when I realized I'd spent six years pursuing a career I was no good at; when I ran away from my first marriage and went into hiding; when I'd lived here in Cambridge for an entire year and my only friend was a woman my then-boyfriend hit on while walking THAT DOG at a dog park. I think most of us have these times.

Ruth's story invites us to consider the irrational possibility that things can change. My favorite songwriter, Nichole Nordeman, captures today's theme perfectly when she writes:

"I believe in the rest of the story...I believe there's still ink in the pen...I have wasted my very last day, trying to change what happened way back when..."

There's still ink in the pen. Wherever you are in this 40 Days of Faith is not where you'll be at the end of it--that's the promise God offers us, the reason we hope when the rational thing to do is give up.

You can download this song, called Someday, here. It's the kickoff song for our playlist, and hope we'll carry for the next few weeks together.

As we chat with God today about what we're praying for (as I'm doing with each sip of bitter coffee), let's ask him about this ink thing. Feel free to make a few suggestions for what you'd like to see in your next chapters. He may have to move some things around, but who knows? Maybe he's been waiting for us to give him some editorial freedom?

Pre-race carb loading

Welcome to 40 Days of Faith!

We'll start the official countdown tomorrow (Monday, June 2). Today is a warm-up day, sort of like when all the runners gather for a pasta dinner the night before the Boston Marathon.

This is an apt comparison, actually--as I discovered the first time I tried asking God for something that mattered to me each day for 40 days, this is a marathon, not a sprint. There will be times you want to give up, days where you couldn't care less, and moments when you think this might be the stupidest thing you've ever tried. It comes with the territory--this is hard, this thing we're doing, putting our hearts out there before God and asking him to make our dreams a reality. But, as Dr. Phil always says, "You can't argue with results..." I've seen amazing results in the times I've set aside to see what God might have to say about my hopes and desires, and I'm only one story out of dozens and dozens. Hard is often worth it; here's hoping this is one of those times!

By way of preparation, here's the basic shape of what we'll be doing.

First: Let's each ask ourselves, "What do I want Jesus to do for me?" If you're not sure about Jesus, that's totally fair. I include him here because he says some pretty astounding things about answering our prayers and giving us a new life that exceeds our expectations...I like the idea of taking him up on this offer. But if this is a new idea, feel free to to preface the question with, "If Jesus really is who he says he is in the Bible, what would I want him to do for me?"

A note on this asking: be specific. Ask for something tangible, where you'll know whether or not your prayer has been answered. (For example, I knew exactly when Jesus answered my prayers for a husband. My prayer for a happier attitude towards cleaning the bathroom, on the other hand, is a little tougher to pin down).

Second: Let's consider fasting from something for these 40 Days. I talk about this idea of fasting a bit in my book, and how the Bible suggests it goes hand-in-hand with prayer. During my first 40 Days, I fasted from coffee. In subsequent years I've fasted from reading (which made trips to the hairdresser long as I stared out the window while my highlights foiled...), baked goods, or television. The idea here is that when we're craving coffee or sweets, or passing up the latest issue of People at the salon, we can offer this up to God. I find myself saying, "Lord, I want a husband more than I want caffeine/pop culture updates/dessert right now." Somehow this connects me to my real desires, because I can't escape into the lesser things I use to comfort or distract me.

Important Note: if an eating disorder has ever been a struggle for you, PLEASE don't fast from food. Ask God what your fast should be; he has lots of good ideas!

Third: Teamwork. Each day, I'll post three things on this blog: An inspirational story or passage, some thoughts on why it inspires me, and a song that bolsters my hope when it's flagging. By the end of this time together, not only will we have amazing stories of answered prayer, we'll have a playlist to commemorate this time...what could be better?

Your part in this teamwork facet is to check in via the comments. Post a comment every day, letting us know how you're doing. It can be a reaction to the day's writing, an update on something specific, or a funny anecdote that happened that day. If you're losing hope, let us know. If your prayer is answered, let us know. We're in this together!

Okay, that's all for today. I'll see you tomorrow for Day 1. Until then, remember: "What is impossible with man is possible with God." (Luke 18:27) That pretty much covers everything, right?

(This would be a great time, by the way, to click on the comments and say, "I'm in!" If you want to share what you're praying for, great. If not, feel free to keep it private. But let us know you're on the team :))

Bring on the linguini!

On your mark...get set...

Mark your calendar: JUNE 1st is the day! We'll be starting our 40 Days of Faith, asking God to bring husbands and book deals and babies and better jobs...the deepest desires of our hearts. I think most of us feel like there's some sort of hole in our lives that we'd love to see filled in, but we're not sure how to get there. I, for one, have tried many of my own fill-in-the-blank projects, all of which failed SO spectacularly that they let me write a book about it. But the truth is, I think there's a better way :)

If this sounds like it might be for you, you might spend the next few days pondering, "What do I really want?" It doesn't have to be fancy or profound; you don't need a seventeen point list of pros & cons. If it's bouncing around in your heart, looking for a way to get out, then that's probably it. Grab a post-it, write it down, and come back on Sunday, June 1st.

See you then!